She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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