people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
