Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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