Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
