Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
