my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
