I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
