it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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