So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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