six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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