if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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