they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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