quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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