Someone shit on the floor
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
