She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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