the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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