Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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