My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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