my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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