Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
