i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
