there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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