I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
