It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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