ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
