member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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