The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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