if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
