I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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