i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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