Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
my liver is dry heaving
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
