nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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