member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
