Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
