ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
