she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
