sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
