Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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