I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
