I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
