your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
