I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
