What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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