Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible