i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We named our party play list daddy issues
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????