One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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