the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
