I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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