Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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