I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I bet he comes in French.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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