I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
