white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
