I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
