Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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