Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
