I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's blow job season.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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