I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I didn't notice because vodka
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I had to cum in my sink.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
