I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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