What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
