Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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