I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
