the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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