On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
