I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
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Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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