Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
