Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
