When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I AM VODKA MAN
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
