Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
