Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
