I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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