i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
